The Oddest Foe
by Ciotog
Summary: The Leaf Village is under attack from a foe that isn't who or what they expected. Major Crackfic with some OC. T to be safe. Written by me and my sister.


The Oddest Foe

By Ciotog and Qupoxon.

(This story was one my sister Qupoxon and I worked on, but just never published. Enjoy.)

Sasuke was having a particularly bad day. He did not sleep the night before. He ran out of tea, so he could not have any for breakfast. And to top it all off he had to go with that blond idiot and Sakura to the pet store. Why? Probably because it amused Kakashi. How can you not laugh at the Uchiha avenger surrounded by fluffy puppies and rabbits? And being forced to be there no less. What else does Kakashi have to do besides torture his students?

But there really was a mission in all of this. (Torturing Sasuke was just a bonus.) Somehow Naruto and Sakura got into their heads that Sasuke was lonely in that giant mansion all by himself. And what better way to alleviate loneliness than a ball of fur running around? And that is why, on a day that he would rather be training for his revenge and planning his revenge and thinking about his revenge, Sasuke found himself in the finest pet store in the village. Surrounded by cats. And birds. And hamsters. Having some sort of small dog being shoved in his face. The horror!

As he pretended to listen to Naruto and Sakura prattle on about the fuzzy _thing_in their hands and how good in would be for him, Sasuke eyes happened to wander over to the wall of fishes. He idly looked over the colorful fishes swimming around in their glass homes. For no apparent reason his eyes landed on a goldfish. There was nothing particularly special about this goldfish. It was the regular size for a goldfish. The regular color for a goldfish. Yep, a plain ordinary goldfish. But for some reason Sasuke felt his eyes lock with the fish's. Sasuke was unable to break the fish's gaze. Sasuke decided in order to satisfy his Uchiha pride he needed to stare this fish into oblivion (not caring that fish cannot blink, no eyelids).

Sasuke and fish continued to stare at each other for a full five minutes before his team finally figured out that he was not listening to them.

"Hey Sasuke, what are you staring at?" Naruto asked.

"That fish looked at me the wrong way."

"How can a fish look at you that wrong way? It's a fish!" Naruto said.

"Well it did," Sasuke said, eyes not leaving the fishes for even a second.

"And staring at it is going to help!?"

"What would you know about it loser?"

Sakura interrupted, "Sasuke it's just a fish. What do you need a fish for? It can't _do_ anything. Now this puppy on the other hand…"

"Sakura stay out of this it is between me and the fish!"

Just then Sakura shoved the puppy into Sasuke line of sight, breaking off his death glare.

"Sakura, get that _thing_ out of my face! You made me lose!"

"SASUKE! It's a fish. Let it go!" Sakura screamed.

"Umm… guys… I think Sasuke is right. That fish… I think it gave me a dirty look," Naruto stammered. "In fact I am sure of it."

Team 7 turned and looked at the fish. The fish just continued looking through the glass, not changing it position at all.

"I can't look away. It's gaze… it's so challenging." Sakura said.

That was the straw that broke Sasuke's back. How dare something, anything have a glare more powerful than his own! What more, it was challenging him!

"THAT'S IT!" Sasuke roared, charging toward the wall of fish tanks, yelling all the expletives that he could think of. At this point all the other customers in the store turned, just in time to see Sasuke being hurled backward away from the fish tanks and land in a dog toy display. It was like some invisible force had pushed him across the room. The owner of the store reach for the phone to call the bookstore across the street, where he knew Kakashi would be at this time of day, in hopes that a new volume of Make Out Paradise would be in.

"That's impossible!" Sakura said. "What… how…"

"It was the fish! I know it! Believe it!' Naruto screeched, diving for cover behind a pile of dog food bags.

"What ever it was it's not going to hurt my Sasuke!" Sakura screamed lunging toward the fish tanks.

Only to be thrown backward, across the store, through the store's glass display windows, and onto the street.

By now there was a mass panic as customers began fleeing the store and away from the strange force.

Naruto, getting over his momentary… girly panic… leaped out from behind his dog food fort.

"Come on Team 7, we've got to take this thing out!" It was only at this point that he realized Sakura was no longer in the store. "Ummm…. OKAY, new plan! Sasuke, you and me are going to take this thing out!"

Sasuke came staggering out of the dog toy mountain. "Right, let's do this!"

"Shadow Clones Jutsu!" "Fireball Jutsu!"

* * *

Kakashi wandered across the street toward the pet store, face in his brand new book.

"Sorry I'm late. They had so many new volumes in and…" Kakashi suddenly found himself face down on the ground. Raising his face from the dirt, Kakashi looked behind him. Only to be confronted by the body of Sakura, who appeared to be covered in tiny cuts and bruises, and unconscious. "Okay…"

Rising to his feet, Kakashi looked toward the pet store… or what used to be the pet store. There was a large mound of rubble with animals crawling out of it (A/N no animals were harmed in the making of the story). Sasuke was buried up to his waist in the rubble and was obviously in bad shape. As Kakashi walked further into the destruction, he could see Naruto curled up in the fetal position. Sucking his thumb, crying softly. Well not softly. More like wild uncontrollable sobs that can only be compared to a child who had just discovered that there is no such thing as Santa.

'Great. Only Team 7 could mess up a mission to the pet store.' Kakashi thought as he walked toward Naruto.

Kakashi bent over Naruto, and slapped him in the face. Naruto immediately stopped crying.

"Good. Now that I have you attention. What happened?"

Naruto stared at him blankly for a few moments before pointing over Kakashi's shoulder and mumbling something that sounded like "Demon fish".

Confused, Kakashi looked over his shoulder, to see a goldfish swimming innocently around in a glass bowl. There was nothing particularly demonic about the fish. It looked like a perfectly normal ordinary goldfish. Completely unremarkable. Just a goldfish in a bowl hovering 3 feet off the ground, with nothing to support it. Pretty unremarkable…wait…

It took a moment for Kakashi's brain to catch up to what his eyes, well eye, was seeing.

Turning back to Naruto, Kakashi said ''Alright I'll admit a floating goldfish in a bowl is a little weird. However, are you trying to tell me that a little goldfish beat the crap out of all three of you?''

Naruto nodded his head.

''I see.'' Kakashi said. Before he could say anything else he was slammed into the ground narrowly avoiding having his head impaled on a piece of glass.

He jumped up and looked around. Sakura and Sasuke were still in their same spots. Naruto was still in the fetal position though he had started crying again. Was it possible… no a goldfish couldn't…

Suddenly a large chunk of metal whizzed past his head and buried itself in a hunk of wood behind him. Kneeling behind some rubble a few thoughts occurred to Kakashi in about this order

The Hokage was going to be upset. Really upset.

He couldn't remember where he had set his new Make Out Paradise novels.

Did he leave the iron on?

Whoever this enemy was Kakashi would need his Sharingan eye to fight it.

His thoughts in order Kakashi uncovered his Sharingan eye and looked around. Everything looked the same except the fish had Chakra around it. _Dark Black_chakra.

''Oh crap,'' he thought, ''I have to fight a goldfish. An evil goldfish. Wait it's just a goldfish I can take it.''

Charging up his chidori, Kakashi leapt at the fish. Surly this would settle the matter. After all he was Kakashi of the Sharingan Eye versus a puny little fish…

* * *

The Hokage was in her office doing very important business; well actually she was sleeping when she was awakened by an explosion. Considering this was a ninja village this wasn't out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary was an aide rushing in and telling her the village pet shop was now a large smoldering pile of rubble.

''Do we have any leads?'' She asked.

The aide replied, ''Well… Team 7 was seen inside…''

Of course wherever Team 7 goes trouble is soon to follow.

''Has Kakashi been notified?''

''Witnesses said they saw him headed in that direction.''

''Has he reported back?''

''…''

''Well!?''

''Does screaming in pain count as reporting back?''

''… I should probably head there.''

''That would probably be best.''

Tsunade rushed to what remained of the pet shop. She arrived in time to see Sakura and Sasuke being carried of by ninja medics. Naruto was in a strait jacket with five ninjas trying to calm him down. She eventually found Kakashi, covered in several large rainbow band-aides, helping to dig a trench around the perimeter of the ex-pet shop.

''KAKASHI!!!! What is the meaning of this?''

''Hokage. Thank God you're here. We need to get every available ninja down here to try and contain this thing, at least until we can get everyone on missions back. That might be enough and…''

''WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?''

Kakashi actually had the nerve to look at her like she was stupid.

''Well, there is this evil goldfish in there.''

''Have you lost your mind?''

''Get Down!!!'' Kakashi roared as he jumped into a trench dragging her with him.

Suddenly flaming rubble began to rain down around the trenches. Some landed in the trenches. Screams and explosions filled the air. About a minute later the barrage stopped.

Kakashi immediately jumped out of the trench and began to give orders.

''Medics lets go. Keeping digging and reinforcing the trenches. Send for every available ninja.''

''Uhm… Kakashi…''

''Yes?''

The Hokage's kick sent him flying back twenty feet.

''I am in charge here. Now I demand to know what is going on.''

Kakashi picked himself up.

''You see,'' he began, ''Team 7 was on a mission in the pet shop when Sasuke challenged the goldfish. It beat the crap out of all three of them. Then I showed up and tried to fight it. I was lucky to escape without major injuries. I sent for reinforcements and began to set up a perimeter. The fish keeps raining rubble on us to try and weaken us, but the perimeter is almost done. Then you showed up.''

The Hokage stared.

''Kakashi, that is the most I have ever heard you say at one time.''

''Desperate times call for desperate measures.''

''Seriously, a goldfish?''

''Yes.''

''Fine, if it is so big and tough I'll go talk to it.''

A loud crash behind them turned out to be a large chunk of rubble crushing a couple of genin.

Kakashi sighed, ''It's getting more accurate. If you are going to talk to it, be careful.''

The Hokage climbed through the rubble, which was made more difficult because of her high heels. As she disappeared from sight, Kakashi said only one word… ''Medic.''

A few moments later the Hokage came staggering out of the rubble, bleeding and with her arms obviously broken. As she was carried away one of the chunin turned to her buddy and whispered ''that's what she gets for fighting in high heels.''

A peculiar whistling sound filled the air, followed by the chunin's screams. Turns out the Hokage could fling her shoe pretty far without using her arms. And the tip was sharpened.

Kakashi sighed and began to give orders as rubble started to rain from the sky again.

* * *

The Sand Siblings strolled through the forest. Earlier that week they had received an ''urgent'' request for help from the Leaf Village. Despite the fact that it said ''urgent'' the Sand Siblings were not in any hurry to get there. After all Leaf Ninjas were of low caliber and often couldn't handle the simplest task. At least in the eyes of the Sand Siblings. They had been traveling three days and were almost there.

Temari finally broke the silence they had been traveling in for the past two days. ''So what do you thing they need our help with?''

Kankuro smiled. ''Probably need help squashing a bug.'' He started laughing until he caught an evil look from Gaara at which Kankuro stopped. Gaara had been in a foul mood ever since they had found out Temari had forgotten to pack chocolate chip cookies as part of their provisions.

Suddenly Kankuro stopped walking. ''Do you guys smell smoke?''

Temari also paused. ''Yeah, I do.''

They looked back at Gaara who nodded. The Sand Siblings immediately started running until they came to the walls of Leaf Village… or what was left of the walls anyway. Smoke rose from the village and sounds of explosions and occasional screams filled the air.

As they stared in amazement a lone form raced towards them. It was none other than Shino. Kankuro immediately started to grab for Crow but was stopped by Gaara's voice.

''This isn't the time or place. You can kill him later.''

Shino halted in front of them. Bidding them to be silent he explained that in order to reach the command post they would have to cross some dangerous terrain. They would need to move swiftly and silently. Rock Lee and Might Guy appeared by the gate and soon everyone was running through the ruined streets of the village.

Nothing happened for awhile. Until the command post was in sight. With a great cry Rock Lee yelled…

''I saw it!!''

''Saw what?'' The Sand Siblings wondered but before they could ask Might Guy screamed and was dragged from the group down an alley. It was like an invisible hand had grabbed him.

''Sensei!!'' Rock Lee yelled.

''Forget him.'' Shino said ''we need to keep moving!'' But it was too late. Rock Lee turned back and raced towards the alley. A few moments later his screams pierced the air.

However, the remains of the group had made to the command post. Immediately Kakashi, Neji, and Kiba surrounded them.

''Shino, where is the rest of your squad?'' Kakashi asked as they herded the group towards the command building.

''They fell behind.'' Shino replied after a pause.

''What, you left them out there to face that THING??? Kakashi yelled. ''Kiba, you and Neji take these three to the Hokage. Shino and I will get a rescue party together. Shino, who were your squad mates?''

''Might Guy and Rock Lee.'' Shino said with some embarrassment.

After an even longer pause Kakashi turned towards Kiba. ''Scratch that last order. I don't think we can…uhm…spare the men necessary to perform the rescue. Right?''

Everyone agreed and without further ado ended up at the Command Building.

* * *

Inside the Command Building was absolute chaos. People were rushing about, wounded, and supplies threaded their way through the crowd, and squads were bringing back reports. Giant maps of the city covered the walls, each one having several colored pins in it. These pins were moved about in accordance to each report. The group found the Hokage, both her arms in casts, surrounded by every ninja that could be gathered. She appeared to be in deep conversation with Iruka.

''We can't do that, they are only kids!'' He yelled at her.

''But they are the most talented ninjas we've had in years. If we are going to stop this thing we need them to fight.'' She replied in her 'I am the Hokage' voice. Further arguing was cut short when she saw the Sand Siblings.

Wobbling over on one shoe (the other one was still stuck in the chunin) Tsunade grabbed Gaara and began dragging him towards a map.

''Gaara, I need you to put up a sand shield around the command post.'' Apparently she had forgotten that Gaara didn't like to be touched. In fact, Gaara looked like he was about to unleash a wave of sand on Tsunade.

Kakashi managed to step in and save Tsunade. ''Hokage, Might Guy and Lee were lost in action. By the way, what were you and Iruka arguing about?''

Tsunade smiled. ''I have decided we are going to gather a team of the best ninjas we have and take the fight right to the creature.'' The smiled disappeared. ''It's a shame about losing Lee though.''

''Why don't you tell him who this team is comprised of?'' Iruka barked up. ''Kakashi, she wants to take all the genin to go and fight this thing.''

''Really? That might work.'' Kakashi said as he nodded.

Iruka's jaw dropped. ''WHAT!''

Kakashi nodded again. ''Hey, they are a pretty talented bunch.''

* * *

And so it was that all the genin, Kakashi, the Sand Siblings, and Iruka set off into the rubble of what had once been the Leaf Village downtown area. Hinata, Neji, and Sasuke were the scouts. Everyone else followed close behind. Finally Neji spoke.

''It's up ahead. What do we do?''

''Surround it.'' Kakashi said.

So that is what they did. Everyone surrounded the rubble the fish was hiding in and waited. Kakashi would give a signal and they would all attack at once. They waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally in his impatience, Naruto charged into the rubble. Every one else followed suite, unleashing their most powerful attacks. Smoke, clones, weapons, and fire filled the air… for a few seconds at least. Soon they all came rushing out of the smoke cloud and dove for cover. When the smoke cleared they could see the fish floating in its bowl. Amazingly the bowl was completely clean and unharmed, while all of the ninjas were covered in bruises and cuts.

The fish slowly began to glow. Everyone could sense its chakra rising. It would soon have enough power to wipe out the entire village in a single attack. Just when things looked their darkest, Hinata stood up and walked towards the fish. She ignored everyone as they yelled at her to get back. Standing in front of the fish she spoke.

''M… Mr… Fish? Could…Could you please…stop being…evil?''

Everyone held their breath as the fish looked at Hinata. Slowly the glow about it began to fade and the bowl settled into Hinata's hands.

Hinata turned and faced the shocked ninja. ''You know, I always wanted a pet."


End file.
